The MARC...Train

Mike... he will be missed

2010-03-03T22:36:00.003-05:00

Well, hello folks. This is DC Momma, the unsilenced "silent partner" of the MARC train blog. I'm afraid I bring bad news today and this blog will never be quite the same. The creator for this blog - the infamous Mike Netherland - passed away this morning and we will all miss him very much. Snarky comments were his to make about MARC and they echoed in our own frustrations with the commuter rail service.

So, as you're stepping onto that platform tomorrow - waiting for the train to pull in (however minutes late it may be) - please take a moment to think of Mike, wherever he may be. For his sake, let's all hope his ride to the next world isn't in a tin can of a MARC train. May he ride Acella or better - he certainly deserves the best.

Until next time....

Mike Netherland, may you rest in peace.

Increased Transit Subsidy?

2009-06-12T06:48:00.004-04:00

If you are a federal employee, and judging from the hits on this blog, most of you are, then you probably recently received an increase in your SmartBenefits. In most cases your increase will, in fact, cover the full cost of the MARC monthly fare and then some. That is, until the MARC-ons realize that the feds are getting more money and decided to raise the fares.

What you should do NOW (before June 17th) is update your CommuterDirect.com account to reflect the new "Promise" amount that would go toward the Renewable Order for your MARC monthly pass. I just tried this and while it is ridiculously simple there are a few things to watch for.

1. Click here https://www.commuterpage.com/TransitPassMenu_V3.cfm?logout=1 and log into your CD account. Set or skip the new security question option.
2. Click My Account on the left
3. Click the Renewable Order tab at the top
4. Click the tiny "edit\suspend order" button
5. Change the promise amount (DELETE the decimal and trailing zeroes. For me the amount shows $90.00. If you change it $125.00, it will think you actually mean $1,250! Just enter 125.)
6. Click the Save button at the bottom. Basta.

So now, the full amount of my purchase should be covered by the SmartBenefits. On July 1, I will add the remaining amount onto my SmarTrip Card at the Metro station.

Stay tuned.

Trapped! Nightmare on Train 530

2009-06-11T07:09:00.006-04:00

The evening commute on MARC is always a crap shoot. Commuters literally throw caution to the wind when they board the northbound trains at Union Station every evening. Some are innocents; tourists or such, who don't know what may be in store for them. But the majority are veterans who walk with a slow hesitation, knowing full well that they are about to board the train to hell. I can't explain the veterans who actually exert themselves, running to near exhaustion (especially the asthmatics!) to catch the train.

Monday night may well prove to be the loss of this innocence and stupidity. Apparently this train, even before it left Union Station, was experiencing electrical power trouble affecting the lights and, worse, the air conditioning. I'll let MTA tell the story as only they can. But link to Michael Dresser's Sun blog for some comments.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Maryland Transit Administration
<mta@alerts.marylandmail.com>
Date:Tue, Jun 9, 2009 at 2:14 PM
Subject: MTA: June 9, 2009 2:12 PM
June 9, 2009 2:12 PM

To Our Penn Line Passengers:
We sincerely apologize for yesterday’s mechanical breakdown on train 530 near the Seabrook station. As those of you on the train know all too well, train 530 became disabled shortly after departing New Carrollton. Not only was the train unable to move, but the train lost all lighting and air conditioning. As soon as the problem with Train 530 was reported, Amtrak sent a mechanical technician out on the next train to attempt to repair the train. The locomotive involved has been removed from service pending a thorough investigation and repairs.

The MTA contracts with Amtrak to operate the Penn Line MARC trains. The MARC operations center was notified of Train 530’s problems byAmtrak just before 5:00pm. We sent a text and email message out to all Penn Line riders at 5:01pm, with updates following.

We understand that the temperature and conditions on board train 530 quickly became unbearable. Many of you expressed frustration that several MARC trains passed train 530 without stopping. The challenge of rush hour operations is that these trains themselves are already filled to capacity themselves and cannot take on additional passengers. While the train stopped agonizingly short of the platform at Seabrook, it is not possible to unload passengers at a location that is not a station stop.

When it became clear that train 530 was not going to be able to move for a significant period of time, trains 439 and 440 were cancelled and its equipment sent non-stop from Baltimore to Seabrook to transfer passengers. While 439 was en route, the technician was able to get 530’s locomotive working, lights and air conditioning restored, and the train departed Seabrook. MARC then “uncancelledd” train 440, the 6:40pm departure from Washington.

Today, MARC management has been reviewing this incident with Amtrak. One of our primary concerns is, based upon on your e-mails to us, that the train crew did not provide updates to passengers. This is unacceptable and we have told Amtrak that we expect their employees to provide regular updates to our passengers, even when there is no new information to report. MARC’s mechanical department will also be meeting with Amtrak mechanical personnel to determine what went wrong with the locomotive.

While yesterday’s incident was, to say the least, frustrating and the temperature uncomfortable, we do need to ask one thing of our passengers. Please do not ever remove windows from a train, unless directed by a member of the train crew. Doing this makes an already difficult situation worse—once windows are removed, a train cannot proceed until the car(s) in which the windows have been removed are unoccupied and even then the train can only proceed at a significantly reduced speed. It is also extremely dangerous to exit a train through the emergency windows. In addition to the potential injury you may incur falling from the train, trains pass on parallel tracks at speeds of up to 135 miles per hour. These trains approach very quickly and quietly. Again, while we understand the conditions on board train 530, removal of windows and exiting the train is extremely dangerous and should never be done unless directed by a uniformed Amtrak/MARC employee.

We appreciate your understanding of this matter.

xan

MARC Passengers II - On the Platform

2009-05-10T09:14:00.005-04:00

As an observer of the human condition, I can't help but record my observations for future generations of commuters, anthropologists and other observers of the human condition. So I hope readers will take the following comments in that vein. Again, if you find you resemble any of the remarks below, you probably do and are advised to curtail the annoying behavior.

The Road Block. The average MARC station platform is at most 6 or 7 feet wide. The platform is "conveniently" designed around other station and railway infrastructure such as the giant iron supports for the hundreds of miles of catenary cabling. These are right in the middle of the platform at Odenton and effectively halve the available space on the platform, providing the perfect spot for the most annoying passenger to stand with all his stuff.

Yes, right in front of the support posts, seemingly oblivious to fact the he has cut off one lane of traffic for those other annoying passengers, the Platform Nomads, forcing them to go around the support on the far side, dodging ME and these foot-long steel levers that stick out parallel to the platform. Now, as everyone knows, I like to take up a spot to the rear of the platform, hang my bag on the steel lever and use the other parts of the structure as a shelf. It's handy and it's out of the way, that is until the Road Blocks take up a position as close to the edge of the platform as possible so that they can be the first to board, which is very important to them.

The Platform Nomads. These are the passengers whose lives are not complete until they have walked the full length of the platform, annoying every single passenger with their drag-a-long luggage and inane Bluetooth banter. Why don't they just pick a spot close to one of the four entrances to the platform and stay there? Or, if they have a favorite spot, they should use the entrance closest to that spot.

The Nomad is the most annoying when he gets to the station late and platform is visibly crowded. No matter, he must go to his spot. Not satisfied with a simple annoyance, some Nomads will walk or worse, run, the length of the crowded platform to get to the coffee shop or the ticket counter and run back the length to get to their spot. This habit places them in the extraordinary annoyance class. But at least they are a fleeting problem, unless combined with the Road Block, who you must suffer interminably.

Platfrom Ranks. These are not so much an annoyance as a weird curiosity. I have been forced to take the early trains for the past two weeks and I have noticed a strange difference in the way passengers on the early trains behave. They will invariably form neat ranks, two or three deep behind no more than eight people standing side-by-side right the edge of the platform.

Each rank is separated by 15 feet or so of empty platform. What makes these passengers form such spontaneous ranks? Pheromones? Military indoctrination? A few of them seem to know each other, but for the most part each rank is an anonymous mini-mob. Weird. Someone please explain!

MARC Passengers...Fellow Commuters...

2009-04-20T06:29:00.004-04:00

Lend me your ears. It is not enough, apparently, that we must suffer the legendary MARC commuter service twice a day. No. We must suffer also each others' company. Most folks do so in a good-natured silence. But I can be silent no more. So I hereby give voice to all of our darkest thoughts about our fellow commuters.

First of all, let's be honest. All of us would rather not have to share a bench or the cafe seats with anyone, unless they are those friends and/or colleagues you actually do look forward to seeing and chatting with for whatever reasons. But the people who THEY look forward to seeing and chatting with just may not be your cup of tea and, well, there is little within the bounds of polite social discourse that can be done. Face it, the man who first said "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine," was lying through his teeth.

So you do avoid these awkward moments. Over the years you have come to recognize the attributes and habits of your fellow commuters that will allow you to do so with relative ease. Are you (am I?) one of those passengers whom others avoid? Here are a few clues:

1. Do you, upon boarding, feel you must be a one-man fashion show? Standing next to your seated fellow commuters (perfect strangers) while carefully removing your outer garments, which you then gracefully fold and gently lay upon the overhead rack. You are civilized, after all, unlike the unwashed next to whom you are about to sit. You seem oblivious to fact that you are partially blocking the aisle while normal people are trying to board the train and find a seat quickly without holding up the rest of us.

2. Do you prepare and consume meals on the train? Like the sartorial circus act, there are a few passengers whose eating habits are just plain gross. One in particular combines the likable qualities described above with the need, every evening, to prepare and consume a tossed salad. After neatly folding and storing his garments he will begin extracting a small garden pantry from his back pack; various cut vegetables and croutons stored in separate baggies, a large plastic bowl and a full-size bottle of salad dressing. I watched in that combination horror\wonder we reserve usually for car accidents as he prepared this salad careful not to over do any one ingredient and to carefully re-wrap and replace the extras for tomorrow's train salad. Then I had to watch him eat it.

Please feel free to send me (netherman79@gmail.com) your favorite annoying passenger or passenger habits! I can't do this myself!

This should be a warning to all MARC commuters: you never know when a blogger is watching and itching to describe you to a 'T.' So if you feel like you resemble some of the remarks, lighten up, laugh at yourself and maybe try to be a bit more considerate of your fellow MARC victims. remember, we're all in this together, literally.

MARC and Your Smartbenefits

2009-02-28T11:35:00.002-05:00

While I would prefer that people visit The MARC... Train blog to read about the gross mismanagement of taxpayer money dressed up as a commuter rail service, I can't help noticing that many of you are looking for information on how to use your SmartBenefits, your SmarTrip Card AND pay for your MARC abuse at the same time.

Accomplishing this trifecta of fraud, waste and abuse takes some planning and timing, but it can be done. I've done it, more than once. Here is the basic terminology:

The SmarTrip Card - This can be a standalone card system to which you add money. The difference between the card and the paper ticket is that your money is not on the card. So if you lose it you don't lose the money (that is if you report it lost or stolen before someone goes joyriding on the Metro system). There are other benefits of having a card account over the paper ticket as we'll see.

The SmartBenefits - This is a transit subsidy program that many of you have heard of and may even be taking advantage of whether you know it or not. Your employer establishes a SmartBenefits program through Metro and begins sending your transit subsidy there. Metro has a big database and keeps everyones name and employer sorted out.

The trick is to make sure your SmarTrip Card account is associated with your SmartBenefits in the big database. If you are not sure this is done call WMATA at 202-962-1326 and ask. Have your SmarTrip Card or account number handy.

This done, you can Add Benefits to your card on the first day of each month. Simply go up to any METRO card reading fare machine and start. (Tip: Don't be in a rush. Don't try to do this AND make the next train. Do this when you have the time to let a few trains pass...trust me).
1. Touch your card
2. Select Add Benefits
3. Select "From SmartBenefits"
4. After that you're on your own. There are options to select how much to put on the card, whether you'd like a receipt, etc.

Now...you have the card....you have the SmartBenefits....what about MARC? OK. This is where CommuterDirect.com comes in.

CommuterDirect.com Account - Set up a CD.com account by going to their web page:
https://www.commuterpage.com/login.cfm

Log in with your new CD.com account and click on the SmartBenefits tab. Add a SmartBenefits account. Just follow the prompts.
Then click on the Payment methods and provide a Credit Card number.
Then click on Renewable Orders and select MARC. Here is where you decide how much of your SmartBenefits to allocate to you Renewable Order (my order is a Monthly Pass). I take $90 from my SmartBenefits (my "Promise") and the rest from my credit card.

Then on the First business day of each month I load the rest of my SmartBenefits to my SmarTrip card!

Easy as pie. Please feel free to let me know just how lame you found this "help" to be.

MARC...Activism: Keep the Ten-Trip!

2009-01-27T06:31:00.005-05:00

You just knew it would come to this! First an e-mail group, then the blogs now an On-Line Petition! That's right. Fellow MARC victim and avid fan of The MARC...Train - Katrina Prieur of Baltimore has drafted a petition that you can review and sign on line at:

http://www.petitiononline.com/10Trip/petition.html

Katrina is also turning up the political heat, too. At least one member of Congress has co-sponsored this petition and a review of the signatories includes one Robert "Peak Oil" Bartlett. While the names on the petition are of a dubious nature, I am going to assume that Maryland's only Republican congressman has actually signed the petition.

The Ten-Trip ticket, as the petition describes it, will be missed by those commuters who do not use the MARC "service" everyday of the week or month. The Ten-Trip allows these commuters a more cost-effective way of paying the fare. Without this option they are forced buy Weekly or Monthly passes at a premium since they won't be using the service.

The other option is to purchase a raft of one way tickets, also amounting to a premium over the Ten-Trip. This option means that you have to estimate the number of trips you'll be taking times the expiration period of the one-way tickets divided by annulled-train factor times the Dangerous Overcrowding coefficient. This is a complex formula and invariably results in a fraction of a trip or a negative trip, both of which, unfortunately, are entirely realistic.

So, if you value your time and money and are not real strong in math, please visit the on-line petition and sign your name. My advice is to just give your general location, not your exact mailing address.

Aftermath

2009-01-20T18:23:00.001-05:00

Well, its all over. As promised your intrepid MARC reporter visited the Odenton Station Tuesday morning around 9. I know it was a little late, but I figured there would still be evidence of rioting, looting, and general chaos.

If there had been any of that you would be gazing upon pictures of burning MARC train carriages, the charred shell that used to be the coffee shop, the smoking remains of the station itself.

But there was none of that to show. Less than a hundred cars were in the lot. No passengers milling about. Only maintenance crews laying down a fresh layer of salt on the platform. There were four county police cars patroling the area. Obviously MARC and other State officials who read this blog took the necessary precautions to rob me of the opportunity to say I told you so!

With liberal leave in effect for federal workers today, there should be good parking today. I'll see you there!

By the way, you may have noticed a new MARC Poll has been posted...vote today! Also I have added a new feature that is supposed display "feeds" from various sources.

Jeff Quinton of Inside Charm City fame is an intrepid MARC commuter and usually posts reliable service conditions through out the day.

And Luisa of Commuter Rail to Hell fame posts her kindred commentary on how MARC is screwing up her life now and again.

MARC Inaugural Train

2009-01-18T07:50:00.003-05:00

Over the last two months or so, this blog has been visited by people all over the country. Judging by their Goolge search strings, they are the folks who have rented everything with a roof and indoor plumbing in advance of the Inaugural.

If you were one of the folks who checked this blog for "official" information, you were no doubt disappointed. However, if you were checking this blog for a realistic, user-oriented perspective on the MARC train service to DC and back then I hope you found what you were looking for.

At this point, hours away from the Big Day, all of the $25 reserved-seat tickets and souvenir programs have been sold-out. Never fear, the much maligned free market, conspiring yet again to provide scarce commodities and resources at a price the market will bear, has as late as yesterday been offering these tickets on Craig's List and e-bay.

About these tickets, one visitor came to this blog wondering: "do you have to give them your marc train ticket or can you keep" them? While I have never seen one, I can only imagine that, as with everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) Obama the special $25 inaugural tickets are decorated to the hilt with The One's name and images. I do not believe the MTA did this just so they can be collected by the MARC train conductors.

About the legendary MARC train customer service one visitor asks: "what food services are on board marc trains"? I don't think I addressed such a question in any of my posts, so here goes: There is no food service on board MARC trains.

Another visitor is looking for "help getting to marc train station on Jan. 20th." As far as I know it's every man for himself. Via con Dios.

Seeking wisdom from the Oracle at Yahoo a visitor asks: "are metro and marc trains the same thing?" Unfortunately, not. The METRO is a light-rail system designed to carry passengers, packed like sardines in safety and comfort. The system is completely computer controlled and designed to minimize disruptions in service by providing track-level power and easily maintained rolling-stock.

The MARC train is, by comparison, a series of lumbering hulks dragged up and down Amtrak and CSX railbeds that are in some places centuries old. Also centuries old is the management-style that forces Marylanders to pay people union scale to walk up and down the carriages collecting and in some case selling tickets (though not on Inauguration Day). As they did when trains were powered exclusively by steam, these conductors punch holes in paper tickets, chase freeloaders off and shout "All Aboard!" It's all very quaint, kind of like some of the nostalgia rides in Disneyworld and Williamsburg. Quaint, but not a very efficient use of resources and not a very effective way of providing a reliable service.

Which brings me to the next question: "Is the Marc train running on Wednesday evening?" This would be The Day After the Jubilee. For those poor souls finding themselves in DC on Jan. 21 (and I may be one of them) my simple answer is: Maybe. That is, the trains may be running or not depending on the reliability of the system I described above. It's an even bet at best. As with all such bets, it's best to hedge, or have a Plan B.

MARC on Inauguration Day

2009-01-01T13:53:00.013-05:00

A sizable fraction of the 2 million pilgrims expected to attend the inaugural ceremony and festivities on Jan. 20th, will doubtlessly be taking advantage of the Penn Line trains, stations, restrooms, parking lots, and coffee shops.

That fraction is referred to by transit authorities as "crush capacity." This is comparable to the Dangerous Overcrowding that MARC victims subject themselves to nearly twice a day during tourist season. The Department of Homeland Security thought it necessary to put out an advisory this week warning of the expected throng's impact on the local infrastructure. Not for us, of course. We are used to it. But the pilgrims may want to reconsider.

Given the expected crush, I invite my hardy band of MARC fans who have the day off anyway, to join me on MARC-Town Hill overlooking Odenton Station to bear witness to this event. We will need to cover the parking lots (both Old, New and Loser Lot) to witness and take digital photos of the mayhem that will no doubt ensue. I can't be everywhere at once. We'll need witnesses for the coffee shop, and the station, the tunnel (where trampled pilgrims are likely to get caught first). Bring a set of two-way walky-talkys and a half dozen donuts.

I will set up a command post in the Ford F-150 on MARC-Town Hill. All coffee and donuts will be available from the Command Vehicle on rotating shifts. Bonus donuts will be awarded to the shift that brings in the most outrageous story and pictures.

Now since they are running only 12 trains starting at 5 am. I figure that if we get there by 6 we should be in good shape of hours of fun.

Why do I expect there to be anymore chaos and confusion than MARC perpetrates on the commuting public on a daily basis? Because on Jan 20th, these people are not going to be regular commuters. They are going to be tourists paying $25 each to be crushed into MARC carriages that will most likely be full before they even get to Odenton. The potential for friction between the pilgrims and the working stiffs who don't get the day off or can't take the day off is great.

And I don't expect MARC customer service to magically appear either, unless MARC gives the regular crew a break and hires airline stewards and stewardesses. And they will be using the same locomotives and carriages whose chances of breaking down on any given day are pretty good.

So let's sum up: Same equipment, same "service," at five times the regular price. A recipe for disaster. Well, that is what I am predicting, anyway. And if it turns out to be wrong, I'll blog about that too.

MARC Train Merchandise Catalog

2008-12-25T11:06:00.018-05:00

Stuck for gift ideas for the MARC train commuter who has everything? Well here it is, just in time for Father's Day, Mother's Day, Easter, Graduation, Independence Day, Labor Day, Verterans Day, Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, and of course Kwanzaa... the long-awaited MARC train Merchandise catalog! The MARC...Train product development team has filled the catalog with all manner of doodad, thingamajig and whatsit that can be made by Chinese prison labor for a penny, coated with toxic waste that Chinese industries are foolish enough to give away for free and sold here in America for no more than $9.95.

Here are just a few of the items that will soon be available from popular on-line merchandise ordering websites. Each item is specially designed to resemble handcrafted memorabilia of your MARC train experience no matter how short!

What about that single one-way trip on the MARC train you took after a former friend recommended the convenient-when-working train service to BWI only to miss your non-refundable flight to Cancun due to "a mechanical problem" with the train? You'll never forget it with a MARC commemorative One-Way Ticket Stub Display Case! Brushed Aluminum (or Brass) frames the sturdy, scratch-resistant plexi-glass for an air- and water-tight seal to ensure that little memento will last forever!

The reproduction MARC Platform Electronic Message Marquee paperweight! Fondly recall the years of wondering when those gaudy things hanging menacingly over the heads of MARC train commuters would display any useful information or anything at all! Be the first in your cube-farm to display the 1/16-inch scale model of the actual MARC Penn-Line standard equipment. Add two AAA batteries and the marquee will display three "messages" 1. MARC Train Station, 2. Train Number 417, due to depart Odenton Station at 8:33 am, Southbound to Washington DC is operating 10 to 12 minutes late, and 3. Random lights!

A keepsake copy of a semi-faux version of last month's MARC train schedule! This authentic-looking, accordion-style pamphlet will give anyone the impression that they are holding an actual MARC train schedule Vol. MCDXII No. 137! But a closer look will reveal a humorous yet strangely familiar take on their recent MARC train experience. Also available in a plexi-glass and brushed aluminum or brass frame.

Tired of getting "that look" from your boss after walking in the door late again due to "mechanical problems"? Well, imagine the look on his face when you produce an Authentic MARC Train Excuse signed by John Porcari, Knuckledragger-in-Chief of the Maryland Department of Transportation! That's right, a full month's supply of personalized excused lateness memos on MDoT letterhead, give the official "O.K." to that day's lateness. Each excuse is addressed to your boss (simply supply the name!) and personalized to you. You fill in the date and train number using your own pen and ink, and bingo! You have an official excuse.

And what merchandise website would be complete without T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with some of the catchy slogans first made popular by Mike Netherland and his Blogs? Slogans such as:
1. Never Run for a MARC Train....They don't Run for You!
2. CAUTION...Dangerous Overcrowding
3. "Jus' Push the Door Open, Man!"
4. "Commuters Riot"
5. I'm in the Loser Lot

And much, much more!

Smart Benefits and CommuterDirect

2008-12-11T14:45:00.006-05:00

Well, since it has been two months since my last posting on this blog, I thought I would at least put in a few words before the year is out. I am home sick with the flu today so I have nothing better to do.

First, I have figured out the secret to getting your Metro SmartBenefits, your MARC monthly ticket AND your Smart Trip card funded through CommuterDirect. I have been getting my MARC pass in the mail from CommuterDirect for the past three months, for the past two the charges have been correctly applied from my SmartBenefits and from my credit card.

But it was only until last month that I finally got the the remaining SmartBenefits allocated to my SmarTrip Card. Apparently you have to do this from a Metro fare machine. And apparently there are instructions for doing this on the Metro web site but I couldn't find them.

[NOTE I had a link to the PDF but that went dead when the webmonkeys over at WMATA decided to change their site. Kelly has scanned the hardcopy for us, but I can't figure out how to post the thing here. Soooooo if you want the thing e-mail at me at netherman79@gmail.com and I'll send it to you...for free! I know it's a bleeping valuable thing, and I shouldn't just bleeping give it away....but it is bleeping illegal to try to sell bleep you don't own!]

MARC-Town Center in Odenton

2008-10-04T08:04:00.003-04:00

OK, MARC Train fans, get ready to move to Odenton! According to an article in last night's Kapital-paper, that's the place to be if you catch the MARC train in Odenton. Because if you don't live there, you sure as heck are not going to be able to drive and park there when the 400,000 square-foot, high-density, mixed use complex really gets going.

"Its supporters say it will be the essence of a transit-oriented development," according to newshound Joshua Stewart, who couldn't seem to find anyone to express a healthy skepticism about the impact the project will have on those who rely on the already-stretched-to-the-limit MARC system and infrastructure in Odenton. Obviously Mr. Stewart has not seen this blog.

The herd of veteran Odenton station devotees will note that the MARC system was already overwhelmed 10 years ago when the Town Center Plan had been collecting dust for only 30 years. Apparently Mr. Stewart doesn't read his own newspaper which a few weeks ago clued us in to the fact that MARC system upgrades on the Penn line and to the Odenton station itself were cut from next year's budget.

It took the MTA 10 years just to acquire the land on the opposite side of Rt. 175 to build an overflow parking lot which, now, thanks to excellent planning is itself overflowing whenever the Camden Line shuts down passenger rail traffic in favor of the higher-paying freight business. MARC actually encourages the hapless Camden Line passengers to make the short drive over to Odenton and catch a Penn line train much to the delightful surprise of regular Penn Line victims at Odenton.

Now parking is just one of the two-dimensional limitations of the system and the one-dimensional limits of its planners' thinking and imagination. Another limitations is on the capacity of MARC train carriages. Already overflowing to Dangerous Overcrowding levels on early morning and evening trains, I am predicting that the MTA will have to hire riot-squads and start buying water cannons to deal with high-density, mixed-use passengers trying to board these trains. We will be seeing scenes like this one in Argentina when passengers there refuse to ride on the tops of that nation's commuter trains as they peacefully do in Bombay.

MARC-Town may turn out to be a boon for Odenton residents and businesses. However, they will have more than a few angry folks if they over-sell the "excellent access to the busiest MARC train station in the county." I am advising all potential leasees and apartment renters to read the fine print very carefully before buying into this fantasy.

Unless the MARC fairy Godmother appears, soon, with gobs of cash as well as a magic wand, there will only be misery or worse in store for us for the next ten years when we can all celebrate the golden anniversary of the Odenton Town Center Plan.

MARC Money

2008-09-21T14:23:00.004-04:00

This is not looking good for me. You see, I promised the MARC-ons a flood of money-saving ideas the MTA could employee to scrape together a million dollars here and there. Well as you can see there are no comments on the Don't Hold Your Breath posting last week. So I have taken the liberty to suggest a few tips myself. Perhaps this will dislodged the fingers of my many readers' and permit them to type in a few of their own.

1. The first and easiest way to scrape together fast cash is to check between the cushions of the couches and chairs. You've done this at home and in college to help pay the rent or buy food. Now, the MARC fleet of single- and double-decker carriages has thousands of these little coin caches. The mind reels at the thought of how much rent and food you could score with that kind of treasure just waiting to be found.

2. Stop paying for the design and production of MARC train schedules. If I were the Knuckledragger-in-Chief of MARC, this is the first thing I would cut. If they are spending a dime they are spending half a million dollars publishing fictitious arrival and departure times. Not only are they completely arbitrary but they only set MARC management up for failure. If there is no schedule, MARC can hardly be accused of being behind it, now, can they?

3. Stop putting up those ridiculous electronic message marquees. There is no message of half of them all the time. The other half simply do not work. Talk about a waste of money! To recoup some of these squandered dollars I suggest the marquees be listed for sale on popular Internet classified and auction web sites like eBay.

More to come...

What Overcrowding?

2008-09-16T10:35:00.006-04:00

A recent photo taken on an early evening train. This crowd is obviously in the forbidden vestibule and three-abreast into the passenger compartments of the two carriages.

This is a typical load for the 3 trains out of Union Station between 5 and 7 pm. There are no places to hold onto. Taller folks tend to hold on to the fluorescent light covers that run the length of each carriage.

The man in the blue shirt is actually standing between the two carriages. Now I am sure the conductor on this train cleared these folks out of the vestibule before the man in the blue shirt was cut in half as the train switched tracks three times on its way out of the yard.

These people are not standing in the vestibule for the sheer fun of it. They are standing there because there is no room in the carriages to stand. This is what I call Dangerous Overcrowding.

Got pics? Send them to (netherman79@gmail.com) me so I can plaster them all over the web!

Don't Hold Your Breath

2008-09-13T11:39:00.005-04:00

Good advice for MARC commuters waiting for the extra carriages to relieve the Dangerous Overcrowding on early morning and evening trains. Oh and that parking garage? Forget it. It's the Loser Lot for those of you who can't make it to the Odenton station before dawn.

According to the Annapolis Kapital, funding for the garage (or just a study of the garage) and the extra carriages were cut this week from the MTA budget. I hate to say I told you so. On the down side, we have to listen tothe tired excuse of "well, we just have no money..." from the MARC folk for another 10 years.

Yeah, apparently those crazy Marylanders, in an effort to keep some of their money from the confiscatory O'Malley administration and entrenched Democrats in Annapolis, are driving less and buying less gas! Imagine that. And they are buying cheaper cars thereby paying less taxes to cover the enormous costs of getting a clear title on your car. The gas and title taxes were supposed to be revenue sources for the MTA projects that just went up in smoke this week.

Think about this for a moment. The revenue sources for mass transit are to come from people who don't use mass transit (they buy lots of gas and cars). Now, if all of those gas- and car-buyers decided to take mass transit instead, where would we be? On MARC trains that look like the one in the video clip posted nearby, that's where. What large group of idiots that meet for 90 a year in Annapolis decided that this was a good idea? Hmmmmmmmm.

Well, in the Kapital-paper (that's as opposed to the Sun-paper) John Porcari, MDoT Knuckledragger-in-Chief, says he is looking for a few good ideas that the MARC-ons can do NOW, on the cheap. Herewith some ideas:

Parking in Odenton - I have been trying for about 10 years now to get the MARC-ons to CHARGE for PARKING in Odenton. Why? For the exact opposite reasons why it's stooopid to base mass transit revenue on taxes that decline with the increase in mass transit use! The LAST reason it is a good idea to CHARGE FOR PARKING is to make money.

People take to free parking like bears to a garbage dump. Charging a even a nominal fee will instantly cause some people (a statistically predictable percentage) to look elsewhere, like going BACK to BWI where most of them used to go before THAT garage project started causing parking and other problems. A larger fee would cause even more folks to try other ways of saving money. Especially those folks who live all the way out in Piney Orchard. People (this excludes MARC managers) make rational decisions a thousand times a day based on the "How-much-it-gonna-cost-me?" model of human behavior.

Oh, but Mr. Netherland, they whined, we don't want to discourage ridership! Why not? If you discourage ridership (IF, that is) in the bargain then you also solve the Dangerous Overcrowding of the early morning and evening trains. They name streets after people with such ideas.

Oh but how would we treat the day-trippers, the one or two day tourists? They have a right to ride too, ya know! Yeah, they have a right to ride. They don't have a right to free parking.

I look forward to reading and posting your ideas. Remember, the MARC-ons get an e-mail message every time we post!

It Does Get Worse

2008-09-12T22:19:00.005-04:00

Two vignettes on state-sponsored commuter rail "service." One from Bill, a MARC system nomad. You can find him riding any of the three lines. He holds to no station, but he is obsessed with the MARC trains "schedule." I keep trying to tell him there is no such thing. He always responds by laughing nervously.

I also told him that for most MARC commuters "Train # 411" means nothing. He promises to tell us the time of day he catches the train, instead.

Subject: MARC Penn line # 411

I caught MARC Penn line # 411 at Odenton; standing room only; I'm standing in the overflow between the cars with 6 others. Surprised it isn't considered a safety hazard requiring them to add more cars. At least it's not as bad as some countries' trains on which people ride on the top and outsides of the trains - with livestock (HA). Have a great day!
Bill

Then one from Bombay, India by Alkesh a database systems genius who works with Bill:

For those who could not visualize what Bill is talking about, Google for 'local train in Mumbai' and watch videos on YouTube! You will forget about risk involved in all the adventure sports here and also learn about time management (during the commute)!!! :-)
BTW, I have commuted by local trains in Mumbai for about 6 years and enjoyed the challenge of getting into the train, getting a seat and of course getting out of it at the station you wish!... And, really miss the fun hanging at a door specifically while the train passes on a bridge :-)
Enjoy,
Alkesh.

Here is the clip that Alkesh urges us to Google for:

Overcrowding? Not on the Brunswick Line!

2008-09-07T16:56:00.004-04:00

I was rooting through some old correspondence using MARC as key and came across this from August (emphasis is mine):

I am curious if, in your world, you have ever come across this…

[a CSX conductor], tells the passengers of his daily trains that they must remain seated until the conductors announce the next station stop. This conductor won't even allow more passengers onto his train if there is no more seating room. He has threatened to throw people off his train who stand up in the seating area in conversation with other passengers.

As you can imagine, no one at MARC or CSX seems to care to get involved. Any thoughts?

That conductor should be promoted! He obviously cares about the comfort and safety of the passengers in his charge. I think my correspondent is of a different mind. If he were to spend some time on the 6:40 after the 6:05 has been cancelled on the Penn Line during tourist season he would quickly appreciate the Brunswick Line conductor's efforts.

Commuters Riot!

2008-09-07T11:50:00.006-04:00

This just in... (Hat Tip, Erin)

BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) - Furious rail commuters in Argentina set fire to a train on Thursday in anger over delays during the morning rush hour.

Television images showed black smoke and flames engulfing the train at the station of Merlo, in the western suburbs of the capital, Buenos Aires. At nearby Castelar, passengers hurled stones at the ticket office and blocked the rails.

"We understand that people get angry when the service is delayed or canceled, but they absolutely can't attack a public service in this way," Gustavo Gago, a spokesman for rail company TBA, told local television.

Now by publishing this bit of news The Marc...Train in no way condones or encourages this type of behavior by MARC commuters, no matter how late their trains or how disrespectful their employees or how much of the-run-around they get from MARC Managers.

"Jus' Push the Door Open, Man!"

2008-09-06T12:06:00.004-04:00

This is what passes for customer service in the minds of MARC\MTA\Amtrak\Union Station employees. This was the response when I approached the moron (or MARC-on) seated behind the desk in Holding Pen B and suggested that the automatic doors were not switched on, could he, as a paid employee of the....of something, please switch it on.

First he didn't understand what I was talking about. Then he insisted that the doors were working properly (this assessment he made while seated behind the desk next to a young lady he was entertaining). When I insisted that they were not, in fact working, that all he had to do was get up and move a switch, things got testy. At least one of the Union Station Holding Pen B fixtures witnessed the exchange.

Finally he relented, admitted the doors were switched off and said: "Man, just push the door open; just push the door open!" He kept repeating this, while disdainfully shaking his head. Well I gave up and went back to the door, pushed the fake "Push to Exit" button glued to the wall, then muscled open the door using the finger pull mounted on one side.

Once on the other side I watched as passengers struggled with the door. Petite women or women with their hands full (as people who actually work for a living find themselves), men and women with disabilities, senior citizens who struggle to get through thin air had to wait as other passengers pushed or pulled the door open. I watched small children nearly caught as the hydraulic-press-like door easily closed on them after an adult had gone through.

We are not asking for miracles from you morons. We are just asking for a little respect.

The Holding Pen, Union Station

2008-09-03T06:40:00.002-04:00

There was a day when MARC passengers could roam Union Station freely while waiting for their late and cancelled trains.

About a year or so ago, the horde of passengers began to surge. Two trains-worth of MARC passengers began to annoy the good folks at Union Station and so MARC "management" began herding us out of the way. First we were asked to wait in Gate B, or B and C, depending on how many trains were late.

Complying with this request was not easy. Conscientious passengers first encountered the retractable rope line, anchored to their 40-lb-pedestals blocking the entrance to Gate B. Not wanting to overtly defy a duly-placed rope line, MARC passengers snaked their way between and under the impediment.

Once past this hurdle the compliant passenger would have to force open one of the double, hydraulic-activated "automatic doors." These doors are not designed to be manually operated. There is no handle to use to safely push open the door. And there is no overriding the hydraulic piston to which the door is connected.

And the struggles of the MARC passengers were all fun entertainment to the Amtrak employees who seem like fixtures inside Gate B. Two or three of them would just sit there and watch passengers struggle with doors. Well I got tired of this real fast. I would not limbo my way past the rope line and I would not try to muscle open the doors. The first thing I would do is release the retractable rope. Then I would activate the doors with the switch that Amtrak employees apparently couldn't bother themselves with flicking.

Well, my subversive, fun-killing, activities were being monitored, it seems and it wasn't long before the good folks at Union Station were ready to pounce on me. An Amtrak employee jumped up (yes, jumped!) ran over to me and demanded that I close the doors, pointing menacingly with his walkie-talkie. I refused. The police were summoned. The policeman was amused but tried to accommodate the Union Station sting-leader.

After this run-in with the door police, I began noticing certain things about the holding pen. First the doors were one-way. You can push to get in, but not out. Also the doors leading out to the platform were also one-way but were also non-functioning automatic doors. The classic fire-trap. I referred to the holding pen as a fire-trap several times loudly during the meeting with the MARC managers. I suggested that at a minimum:

1. The doors need to be fitted with the standard push bar to assist in manual operation.
2. If the automatic doors are constantly broken they should be taken off their pistons and made to be easily operated.

These suggestions were noted but, hey, this is an old building, the MARC-on tried to give me a history of Union Station. We don't have any authority...we don't have any money...yadda.

Ticket-By-Mail

2008-08-30T11:15:00.004-04:00

Don't Panic....yet.

I have investigated this CommuterDirect thingy and appears to be workable. As Michelle said earlier in comment, it will be a drastic change, and some of us may not be able to take advantage of it. The following is an English translation of the description of the service from the "info" page of CommuterDirect.Com. For those who enjoy reading this masterpiece in the original MARC-ese please link to https://www.commuterpage.com/smartbenefits.cfm.

The easiest thing is to enroll in the SmartTrip program. Yes, this is the same program METRO operates. Sign up using the link at the bottom of the page linked above.

To get your employer-sponsored transit subsidy you have to provide them with your SmartBenefits account number. Your employer will then deposit your subsidy into that account. You can use some or all of it to but your Marc Monthly pass and other stuff to be mailed to you. Just like on-line bill payments and on-line shopping that keep my marriage from ending in a "bitter divorce" every year.

Those of us whose employers are of the "what-will-they-want-next-free-coffee-and-donuts-every-morning" attitude toward transit benefits can still purchase the monthly pass via CommuterDirect and have it delivered by mail.

I'll let you know more about this next week when I sign up for an account.

MARC Managers...Late Trains

2008-08-27T19:40:00.003-04:00

Well there was supposed to be a picture of the the MARC managers who set up propaganda shop in Holding Pen C as it turns out. While passengers from the late 6:05 train and the soon-to-be-late 6:40 train crowded into the holding pen, they take a few minutes to express their gratitude for the fine job MARC is doing to serve their customers.

It was just too good to be true. I expected the MARC morons to set up a pristine holding area with new seats that were arranged so that passengers could actually get to and sit in half of them. So imagine my amusement when I arrived to find a stuffed to over-capacity Holding Pen and the three MARC "managers" deflecting questions about the two trains that evening and the generally shoddy service that Maryland commuters have endured and will likely continue to endure.

I got the same shell game when I asked about the Dangerous Overcrowding of the trains, like this evening's 6:05. First the manager who accompanied MARC Director John Hovatter denied that there was overcrowding on the train. Then he denied that it was Dangerous overcrowding. Finally, after listening, while several other passengers nodded their heads, to graphic descriptions of how dangerous overcrowding occurs routinely on their trains he admitted that there is nothing they could do about it. Look at them, he said gesturing to the throng mobbing the Holding Pen doors to the platform, we can't stop that. I countered that Amtrak can and does stop them effectively with their riot squad and dogs they deploy every night to keep passengers from hindering the off-loading of incoming trains.

Why can't you just keep folks from boarding cars that are filled to capacity? Well, our customers would never stand for it, he relented. What I and countless others have seen would make personal injury trial lawyers drool. If for no other reason, MARC should make an effort to regulate the flow of passengers onto their carriages to keep from paying out million-dollar settlements.

On a routine basis, two trains worth of passengers are stuffed, literally onto a single train. Conductors enforce the prohibition of standing in the vestibule easily enough. The scene on these trains like one from a Third-World train service. The only thing missing is the chickens. This can't possibly be America in the 21rst Century, I find myself thinking.

Next....Shoddy Conditions in Union Station!

No More Ticket-by-Mail?!?

2008-08-27T12:05:00.002-04:00

This just in: (hat-tip Michelle of Anything!)

Dear MARC “Ticket-By-Mail” Customer:Effective November 1, 2008, MARC will
discontinue the CSX “Ticket-by-Mail” program. CONSEQUENTLY, THE NOVEMBER MONTHLY TICKETS PURCHASED IN OCTOBER WILL BE THE LAST SOLD THROUGH THIS PROGRAM.

One more thing to bring up at this evening's Meet the MARC Morons tea party in Holding Cell B. Mention how happy you are to lose this little convenience; that there are other little conveniences you could do without, too.

Meet The MARC Managers

2008-08-26T06:43:00.002-04:00

Monday, August 25, 2008 12:21 PM
Subject: Meet The MARC Managers At Union Station

Wednesday August 27, 2008 MARC operations managers will be inside Union Station at the Gate B waiting area on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 from 4:30 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. with timetables and to answer questions about the service.

For those who are going to be there anyway, here are a few pieces of mind you can give:

Dangerous Overcrowding of trains due to short train sets, cancelled trains, conventions tourist season, etc.
Shabby conditions in Union Station “waiting area.” Including the non-function “automatic doors,” poorly arranged seating, poor condition of seating, etc.
Idiotic management of train problems
Poor, at best, communication system; Late notification of late or cancelled trains.
The comfort and convenience of the paying customers is obviously not a priority for MARC.
MARC Commuter stress-relief squeezy toys.

I'll be there. Look for the guy with a hat and a beard. Send me a piece of your mind (or, heaven forbid, post a comment here) and I'll add it to the list.

Also, if you go there be sure to report on your experience. E-mail it to me or, again, post a comment!

The MARC...Ferry?

2008-08-24T07:58:00.006-04:00

I thought the idea of adding an alternate method of crossing the Bay had received enough ridicule as to embarrass anyone who spent any time (yes, a nano-second counts as time) even thinking about it, let alone sharing their embarrassing thoughts with the local daily newspaper.

Apparently I was wrong in that assessment. In Friday's Annapolis Kapital-paper a letter-writer remarked at how much more efficient a set of hovercraft would be in ferrying folks back and forth across the Bay than, say, a new bridge. Apparently the writer saw one of the craft courtesy of the Australian Navy or Coast Guard at some show in Annapolis. The cost of buying and operating a fleet of these machines would be negligible compared with spanning the Bay with miles and miles of steel-reinforced concrete, he argued. And he is probably correct.

The writer, moved by the recent tragedy and ensuing chaos on the Bay Bridge, is searching for that which man has searched ever since confronting the opposing forces of time and geography. But the idea of operating a ferry service on or close to the waters of the Bay fails when applied in the modern era for several reasons. The main problem is that such a service would have to be a state-run operation.

Why does it have to be a state-run operation?
a. Because no one in his right mind would risk any amount of time and money when he could get "the government" to do it for him.
b. Our good fellow taxpayers over the years who have floated (no pun intended) the idea in the public press (or in this case the Annapolis Kapital) did so precisely because they think it is a compelling public service that will allow the state to confiscate your property to see it done.
c. Because no private individual outside of a Berkshire-Hathaway shareholders' meeting would be able to absorb the cost just in liability insurance let alone the frivolous lawsuits, of operating such a service.

Given that air-tight argument, under which organ of the Maryland government would the development and operation of a public transportation system such as a ferry fall? Yes, the Maryland Transit Authority, that great mover of people; that efficient investor of your tax dollars on such innovations as the electronic computerized message marquee on the MARC train cars whose two messages I've ever seen are "NO MESSAGE;" and "DO NOT PUT YOUR FEET ON THE SEAT;" that brain trust of folks whose motto must be: "We regret the inconvenience and appreciate your patience."

Yes, these are the same folks we would have to trust to ferry us safely from shore to eastern shore, at night, in the dead of winter. Right. About those who think a Chesapeake Bay commuter ferry service is an idea whose time has come one thing is sure: They have never had to commute on a daily basis to and from Washington DC on the MARC train thing.

To them I submit that the worst things that could befall a MARC train commuter (outside of the freak and tragic accident a few years back when a MARC train collided with an Amtrak train, at night, in the dead of winter) is that their train will never arrive or arrive late at the worst possible time (usually after work, on a Friday) or that the thing will break down halfway between New Carrollton and Seabrook (the middle of nowhere for those unfamiliar with Maryland geography).

Now imagine the nightmare scenario facing the MARC Hovercraft Bay Ferry service commuters, at night, in the dead of winter, in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay.

Expensive-Looking Marquee

2008-08-21T12:42:00.005-04:00

One of the useless electronic, computer-controlled message marqees at Odenton station. This is my first attempt at taking a cell-phone pic and posting it to my blog. So please bear with me!

Death on the Penn Line

2008-08-20T08:58:00.002-04:00

Just when you thought it was safe to go outside, this happens:

"A 22-year-old Amtrak employee was struck by an Amtrak train at 5:25 a.m. Wednesday between the Bowie and New Carrollton MARC stations. The man is in critical condition at a Prince George's County hospital." (from WJLA).

First it was a fatality. Now apparently the poor devil is still alive but in critical condition. The trains have started running again, apparently, though they are "extremely overcrowded."

I guess I'll head up to the station....taking pictures!

The MARC ....Train?

2008-08-19T06:57:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my little corner of Hell. I promised to create a blog dedicated to the special suffering of those of us herded on and off the commuter train cars twice a day, five days a week, year after year. I have done a bit of reasearch for this and found a few specimens of blog out there also dedicated to the commuting chaos spelled M..A..R..C.

So I nvite them and all to provide differing perspectives on MARC commuting, all of them should be varying degrees of bad. I will set aside an open thread monthly for "good" MARC experiences, just to make my mom happy (she thinks I am too negative about most things, bless her).

Also, I welcome pics. I think pics will be an excellent way to illustrate our torture. If you find that your fellow passengers are annoyed at your picture taking, just tell them it's for the The MARC...Train blog and you should be OK.

One lady blogger (http://anything-pj.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-packed-marc-train.html) has tried this but take your time and compose your shot. Try to work a MARC logo into the frame if at all possible.

Now I have to get ready to catch the MARC Train but I'll be back.